It’s hard to maintain optimism when you’re watching life pass you by.

I had to spend the next two weeks inside a hotel ballroom, under the fluorescent lights, with unhealthy and unappetizing food.

A few days in, I had a migraine, and my trusty abortive medication that had worked for 9 years, did nothing. So I took another. No relief. The second day of migraine I tried more medicine, but with no result. I was in so much pain sitting in the training room, I asked to go to Urgent Care.

I got to Urgent Care and told the Doctor was going on. He treated me as a drug seeker and did everything he could to avoid prescribing me narcotics, despite my evident pain, disability, and rising panic. I eventually got some Tylenol #3s which helped me get through the next few days.

I was told by my new employer that if I didn't finish the training I would have to “re-test and re-train,” which I knew was code for "lose my job."

I called my primary care doctors back home, desperate for an answer. I had lived the migraine for a whole week. She told me that I needed to see a headache specialist and referred me to the top migraine and headache specialists in San Diego County. I made it through the rest of training, but I was in bad shape. When I got home I found that had lost 10 pounds.

Once I got back I immediately saw the neurologist. He informed me during the intake appointment that I had caused this episodic migraine to become chronic - and it was called Medication Overuse Headache, or in my case, Medication Overuse Chronic Migraine. He informed me that the years of OTC drug use, combined with excessive caffeine intake, had changed my neurology for the forseeable future.

He let me know I had a few options:

1. I could be on narcotics for life.

2. I could be hospitalized until the pain stopped, which could be years.

3. I could commit to a caffeine-free, chocolate-free, and OTC-free lifestyle. In doing so I was allowed to take medication two days a week and no more.

I chose number three, naturally. In doing so I was allowed to take medication two days a week and no more, so we could continue to try medicines for relief.

I remember going home and feeling so defeated. I tried and failed every drug on the list. Eventually the drugs that helped were Topamax and Botox, the former causing severe memory loss and the latter costing me every penny I had in available income. I realized that I might not be able to have children because of the toxicity of these medicines. I felt alone, afraid, and exhausted from the pain. My boyfriend at the time didn't know how to help. My mother didn't either.

I had this migraine for an entire year, with my only pain-free days coming from nerve blocks. AN. ENTIRE. YEAR.

Those dark days were so depressing, isolating, and scary. I felt that my future was in jeopardy. How could I keep my job? My social life? My romantic partner? Who would want to be around me going through all of this? I felt that certainly no one would.